Because the universe is widening.

The time won't flies.
Twirling back to the past.
Disclose the curtain of this story.
If I can, I will live that time forever. 

People would rather to look back, why don't we keep moving on?

The universe is widening. Moving.
The Earth is rotating. Moving.

We live in a kinda hard life, hmm?
When everything's going inversely.
Black when it's white.
Right when it's wrong.
Honest when it's dishonest.

Galau masa depan?

Galau. I don't know why but I prefer galau about my future than galau-in someone out there who doesn't even know my existence. Yah, sebenernya ini galau galau terselubung.
Entah kenapa, mungkin semenjak naik kelas, pertanyaan pertanyaan semacam "Nanti mau kuliah dimana, na?" atau "udah kepikiran belum, mau lanjut kemana?" dan sejenisnya menjadi mainstream untuk ditanyakan. Woggghhhhhhh I really don't know what to say, honestly.
I don't know what I really want, exactly. Kinda ironic.

FTSL ITB. I used to say this is what I want. Really? Now I'm not so sure about this. Why it's FTSL?
Fakultas Teknik Sipil dan Lingkungan. "Lingkungan" that underlined. Yes, Teknik Lingkungan is something, for the first time, I've said I really want.

But, yes, again, my parents. It seems like they're disagree. Not about the "FTSL", but the "ITB". Kuliah di ITB artinya ngekos. Di Bandung. Sendirian. That's why. I know what they worried. Dunia emang udah edan, coy. 

Gatau, ah. Pusyiang. Pengen meledak dulu, bye.

As same as a love.

A waves.
Up. Down. Nothing.
As same as a love.

A waves.
Getting swept away.
As same as a love.

Nobody Knows? Yes.

Nobody knows "the real" me. Nobody knows how many times I've sat in my room, and cried all night long. How many times I've lost hope. How many times I've been let down. How many times I've thought about this unfairness, this life, my parents, everything.

An update.

Hello. Now I'm updating in Mrs. Atty's english lesson this afternoon. Hahahahaha. Have a nice day!

"Tak ada yang lebih tabah, dari hujan bulan Juni..."

Hujan Bulan Juni (Sapardi Djoko Damono)

tak ada yang lebih tabah
dari hujan bulan Juni
dirahasiakannya rintik rindunya
kepada pohon berbunga itu

tak ada yang lebih bijak
dari hujan bulan Juni
dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya
yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu

tak ada yang lebih arif
dari hujan bulan Juni
dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan
diserap akar pohon bunga itu

 

It's 1 AM

It's 1 AM
No, I'm not gonna ask you who do you love.

It's 1 AM
I'm awake and think what happened. Or what should be happened.

It's 1 AM
I don't even know what that is.

It's 1 AM
Your eyes talked to me. But I couldn't heard.

It's 1 AM
Can you just speak clearer?

Future is comiiiiiing!

If there were 9999 reasons to quit, and give up, I know there was only one reason to stay and keep fighting this life. Chase our dreams. End the past. Stand up and smile. Take a very deep breath and go on.

By the way, the time flies so fast, doesn't it? It feels like yesterday I was still in the elementary, with my red skirt and my colorful socks. But in fact, in the next year I'll be 12 grader and soon I'll be in college. Whoa! The future is coming!

Always, I'm wondering how will I look like when I'm 30, have a son and daughter, and share all the happiness with "my" family. Who will be my husband, where will I live, hahahahahahahaha. But yap, only God knows. Let's wait and see;)

You actually trick your own life, guys.

Life isn't fair. Yap, because that's all I've ever known. Like I've said, thousand times.
I studied as hard as I can. Stayed up all night. Read read read and practise practise practise. I won't forgive myself if I didn't do my best, at least I've tried. Make a black mark under my eyes. But they? Just keep calm, grab a phone, Googling, texting, bbm, and something disgusting like that. Or in France, you do open dictionary. I'm just watching in my silence.
Maybe you'll say, "I did everything you did. That efforts."
Yes, you did, maybe. But why still you do that fucking dirty trick? You waste your knowledges, your intellegences. You swap your morality with a surreal and useless PERFECT SCORE. Okay, you got that score, so what? It doesn't mean a thing.

I'm a human, so are you. We're not perfect, I know. But I don't do that trick. Never. Okay, sometimes, I ask my behind friend or being asked with her. But just to check our step or our answer if there was a mistake. Not ask the answer. If our answer was different, it's okay. I don't change my answer if I was sure with mine.

"Yah sekarang mah pada ngejarnya nilai sih," -farah

Memoires!

 I just downloaded this application from Google Play in my phone. Yap, Memoires. Now I finally found something I can tell and I can write, freely. No worry. Save. Keep in secret. It even has a password! I always try to write everything before sleep at night. There's no galau in this blog, anymore, I hope.
Love!

A Blackhole?

I'm shining, you're glowing.
Yes, in a different way.
I used to be that shining, but not anymore.

Maybe now I'm just a blackhole in your prespective.
Invisible and seems not real.
If so, I'm telling you, blackhole has a hidden super power.
You haven't realise it, have you?

I miss you all, Facetious X-8 2011-2012!

Ya, mumpung libur nih. Pas iseng iseng ngeliatin meja belajar, tadinya sih niat pengen ngerapihin eh nemu kotak bening isinya DVD, yakkk pemirsa.... Dvd sepuluh delapan! Akhirnya punya waktu buat nonton ini lagi:)
Kangen banget sama kalian semua. Emang sih masih bisa ketemu setiap hari, tapi rasanya beda. Suasananya beda. Dan kita gak dalam satu ruangan yang sama, itu dia yang bikin atmosfernya beda dan unforgettable. Alaynya, koplaknya, doyotnya, sedih&curhatnya, semuanya. Such a beautiful year with you all. Yes, the things change but memories last forever.

"When you leave here, don't forget why you came."

Sekilas, quote ini emang biasa aja. Emang sebenernya cuma buat kelulusan gitu. Tapi ayo dicoba doooong dicobaaaa lihat dan baca dan telusuri dan selidiki dan teliti dan kalo perlu interogasi lebih dalem lagi.... Hem. Apasih.
Ya, kadang seseorang dateng terus pergi gitu aja, padahal awalnya dia punya tujuan kenapa dia dateng. Tujuannya muliaaaaaa banget. Kenapa dia ikut. Kenapa dia bergabung. Oke, ini no mention dan no offense loh ya, tapi kalau ngerasa sih ya gak papa.
Apalagi nih ya, ummm contoh doang kok, ikut suatu organisasi Islam. Niatnya sih oke punya, ngejaga iman, menambah pengetahuan Islam, bahkan memperdalam. Itu baru tujuan, sayangnya. Masalahnya si dia ini ga konsisten sama tujuan awalnya sendiri, atau malah gatau tujuan dia sebenernya.
Terus, --pasti ketebak lah ya, apalagi kalo ngerasa-- si dia ini hengkang. Masih untung gak dibilang berkhianat. Mungkin dia istilahnya udah ga ngerasa bisa berguna di organisasi itu? Mungkin. Mungkin loh ya.
Bisa ya si dia ini langsung lupa gitu tujuan awal dia bergabung? Amnesia kali ya, mungkin abis kejedot tronton, atau keserempet cheetah mungkin? Kan gak tau juga.
Oh iya, post ini samasekali bukan buat nge-judge siapapun (mungkin ada yang ngerasa di-judge?), bukan buat asal tuduh, suudzan, apalagi fitnah karena fitnah itu lebih kejam dari pada pembunuhan. Eaa. Bukan juga ghibah karena post ini sama sekali ga nyebut nama, lagian kan ghibah sama aja kaya makan bangkai saudara sendiri kan ya? Iuh.
Jadi, kembali ke quote tadi, jangan pernah lupa alasan kenapa kita datang. Atau lebih tepatnya, jangan pura-pura lupa.

Naik kelas itu gak cuma pindah kelas kali....

Naik kelas. Ciye, yang bangga gitu udah naik kelas. Asik dong ya, udah punya adik kelas?
Tapi, menurut saya, naik kelas itu gak cuma sekedar lulus dari kelas sebelumnya dan pindah ke jenjang berikutnya.
Naik kelas itu harusnya naik level.
Ibaratnya game, level yang lebih tinggi pasti lebih susah, kan? Butuh strategi baru yang lebih baik. Kalo game over, pasti penasaran dan kita ulang lagi terus sampe bisa dan gak ngulang keslahan yang sama biar lanjut ke next level. Naik kelas juga sama, tantangan baru, lingkungan baru, saingan baru, dan pelajaran baru yang pastinya banget lebih susah.
Naik kelas juga artinya naik kelas juga sikap kita, harus lebih dewasa gitu deh o:) Kualitas kita sebagai manusia juga harus naik dong. Kan naik kelas artinya kita udah lulus ujian di kelas sebelumnya dan siap buat ujian-ujian yang lain.
Saya sekarang udah kelas 11. Alhamdulillah IPA dan semoga itu pilihan yang emang bener dan gak lagi deh nyesel-nyesel!

Selamat naik kelas :)

Knock, knock.

Tik, tok.
The tap of my heart beats.
Knock the inequity, knock this life.

I  hear something you can't hear,
or maybe something you try not to hear.

I curse your fake innocence.

Happy Birthday!

Yap. Maybe it's a superrrr late update. June 3rd was my birthday. The time flies so fast and I just realise I'm now 16 years old. Thank God, you still gives me this life, sometimes it's a beautiful life however.
Thanks for all your kind wishes, greets, and all the "okeh"s. I'm so thankful that you all remember my day. THANKS!
Especially for @chelsandra @nyayuazlsn and @farahfarhe and all your "kindness" to me. It's so damn unforgettable. Love you.

will you?

Yah, it's really really hard for me to tell this, write it down and everyone will knows. I just can't hide it away for any longer.
I want to go to ITB as my next destination. Maybe you've knew it. I dreamed it since a long time ago, and now its so hard to forget it all.
My mother said to me, that I, as a woman, had to take care of my self. Then, I got to stay in Bogor. Maybe forever? So it means that my choice now is IPB. Or UI.
Okay, I am their daughter so I have to obey them as my parents. I really try so hard to do it. I just want to make you proud of me.
Just for once, listen to me, will you?

Hitam dan Putih

Hitam dan putih.
Seorang gadis kecil diujung gang, dengan baju sederhana.
Menatapku lurus dengan mata coklat yang pudar.
Gemerincing receh yang menjadi nada.

Hitam dan putih.
Kakek itu mengusap peluh yang sudah menjadi darah.
Sorot matanya membakarku hidup hidup.
Aku telah menjadi abu diujung jalan itu.

Hitam dan putih,
Sebuah ironi.
Adakah memang hati nurani itu pernah ada?

We're fabulous and crazy, and so, we're obviously awesome!

FACETIOUS: FABULOUS CRAZINESS OF TEN EIGHT IS OBVIOUSLY AWESOME.

dari kiri bawah: 

Gharyn, Rai, Dean, Anjar, Aryo, Wira, Sule, Aqlima dan adik-adiknya, Nadhila, Nita, Bella, Tata, Nyayu alay, Husna, Dhia, Linda, Farah, Khansa, Fathimah, Prita, Adnan, Biyal, Calvin dan Chelsea lagi dirumahnya.

fotonya diambil oleh Danisa X-1, sebelum match lawan X-5 yang akhirnya kita menang!

Sepuluh delapan; meskipun agak lama baru kita bisa se-solid ini, tapi you all such an amazing. Meskipun kita sering di underestimated sama -you know who- hahaha tapi gak terasa ya it has been almost a year.

Hari ini, mungkin menjadi salah satu hari yang paling bersejarah buat kita semua, match yang super dan seru banget lawan XI IPA 4, walaupun kita kalah tipis, doa-doa bersamanya, kesan dan pesan pas waktu dikelas yang sukses bikin semua jadi terharu gitu deh termasuk sang kiper jagoan kita, sampe terakhir kita semua di kasih semburan unyu dari deklamator puisi kesayangan bu Erna. Wohooooo!

Dalam hitungan beberapa minggu kita udah UKK, dan bakal ga kerasa kita udah mencar mencar kemana tau. Smanti League tahun depan kita udah ga bisa barengan dan saling dukung lagi, malah bisa jadi kita lawan :( Kalo boleh milih, pengen banget banget sekelas lagi sama X-8 selamanya sampe kelas 12 :')

Oke biar postingan ini gak jadi garing, mari kita recap tweet @FacetiousSmanti tentang ciri khas semua rakyat X-8. Let's check it out.

Absen 1, Adnan

Cowo kemayu tapi tetep berusaha buat bikin Facetious jadi teratur. 

Absen 2. Dean

Suka asal lawak pisan. 

Absen 3, Wira

Kecil-kecil cabe ijo gas nya luar biasa.

Absen 4, Anjar

Tukang tidur pendiem tapi menghanyutkan.

Absen 6, Aryo

Tiens sejati, tukang proyektor dan elektronik lainnya. 

Absen 7, Biyal alay.

Cigombong lawak seperti bocah

Absen 8, Calvin

Digilai banyak wanita karena sifatnya yang berbeda, suara lucu

Absen 9, Chelswih

Perhatian penuh kepada Facetious, saat tertawa hik hik

Absen 10, Dhia

Aneh, jorok, unik, tapi misterius

Absen 11, Farah

Sangat suka dengan laki-laki ganteng. oke, garis bawahi.

Absen 12, Fathimah

Ketawa gampang, berubah nangis juga gampang.

Absen 13, Febby

Sedikit tomboy, teriak-teriak

Absen 14, Husna

Jago gambar, kereatip. aaaaaah terimakasih min!

Absen 15, Gharyn

Suara melengking, tidur, dan riweuh.

Absen 16, Hasan/Sule

 Maskot, manis dan lawak

Absen 17, Jeje

Rajin dan Pintar

Absen 18, Linda

Screamer, mudah nangis, mudah tertawa

Absen 19, Tata

Cosmos, imut-imut cabe jawa

Absen 20, Bella

Nyantai tapi tetep solid

Absen 21, Nadhila

Jarang berkicau dan polos

Absen 22, Nyayu. Ah, akhirnya!

Selalu menahan tertawanya. Sambil menahan pipisnya, juga ke alay an supernya.

Absen 23, Prita.

 Imut, lucu, lawak, gemesin

Absen 24, Rai.

 Dibalik tubuh yang gagah terdapat hati yang mudah luluh. Eaaaaaaa

Absen 25, Nita

Kegaringannya adalah kelucuan untuk kita semua. Krik.

Absen 26, Syeb

Heboh, narsis, tertawa Ha Ha Ha

Absen 27, Khansa

 Pulsa, suka lawak. Garing, lebih tepatnya, min.

Absen 28, Alsa.

Absen terakhir tapi ranking pertama. Yo mamen!

Uuuuuuuh sedih ya, gak terasa bangetttttttt udah mau pisah lagi, padahal rasanya kaya baru masuk Smanti dan kenal kalian semua teman temanku :3

Aku akan merindukan kalian semua. Love you all, now, tomorrow, forever and always!

Salam awesome!

An irony, yes?

The moon creates a thousand word to speak,
But the sun makes it hard to say.

I know you're there. You know I'm here.
It's like an irony.
Are we in the other planet or something?

Happy Birthday, Mrs. Herna!

"Who's Mrs. Herna?" She's my ex-english teacher. Eh no, she always be my teacher. One of the best I've ever met. Today is her birthday and I wish I can send her a "Happy Birthday" or something. I miss her so much. There's no english teacher like her in my highschool.

they miss her too!

I wish her all the best, every single time become a mercy for her. She'll be a better person, and find the endless happiness. *lebay parah*

One thing she have to know, I miss her!

Just stop and rewind.

If my life is a tape, I'll go back, back, back, back and back. Even if it's suck (yah obviously you knew what will happen after), I want to play our song as long as I can, again and again.

"Sometimes I wanna press the rewind button. Not for change the past, but..... for something I never know"

Seperti Planet Venus.

Kau seperti Venus. Tertutup atmosfer yang tebal, membuat berjuta pertanyaan. Misterius. Biru, tetapi panas.

Flashback.

Aku menutup mataku
Menembus relung-relung waktu
Aku yang dingin dibekukan waktu; diselimuti air hangat pesonamu
Yang tidak pernah berubah, tidak akan pernah.
Mengapa aku kembali?

Kau tertawa renyah diujung sana,
Yang terdengar seperti detak-detak bom waktu.
Tersimpan dalam saku bajuku.
Aku takut mati
Aku pasti akan mati

Beberapa bulan yang menjadi detik.
Tik, tik, tik, dan kemudian berhenti.
Berhenti seakan tidak pernah terjadi apa-apa.
Seakan kita tidak pernah ada.
Waktu memang kejam, bukan?

Berpura-puralah untuk tidak pernah tau apa-apa,
Dan tersenyum manis seperti anak kecil berkepang di taman bermain.
Jangan pernah kembali lagi,
Jangan pernah.

February 20, 2012

Like a Bridge.

Love Bridge, Pulau Tidung. January 3 2012/12:13

Be changed is the main part of the life. Like a bridge, just follow the change and you'll stop when you find your destiny. 

Why?

It's like I wait for you to rescue me.

I'm waiting in this silent, alone.

But you never come back. 

Why?

I'm nearly aimless, without the lights you gave.

I just want to ask you one question in my whole life, "why?"

Why you put me in this feeling? 

This shit makes me look so melancholy,

So disgusting.

It makes me look like I'm your love beggar. 

even if it's true.

Unfairness

I feel so desperate. I can't, I really cannot do it. Sometimes I'm just thinking, "God, why you put me in this disgusting situation? I cannot do it, too hard, and its definitely unfair..." 
Life's hard, dude.

I know exactly, God is fair. There's a valuable thing we can take dan learn, always. But, in this time, I have not found the fairness yet. Not yet.

Am I lost?

The time is running, ruining my life.
If I closed my eyes, desperately, then the time will stops breathe me. Stop breathe my heart, and fill my lungs.
Dark.
Silent.
Am I lost?
I walk in a tunnel, without the light at the end of it. So blind.
Once again, am I lost? Or maybe I'm just dreaming?

My tears hang up on my eye. Froze.
Chills my cheek, disintegrate my iris.
Can you feel exactly the way I feel?

You make this decision so I have to obey it;
You ask me to glue my heart's story sheets with my own tears.
It hurts me.

"Let go of the past and go for the future. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined."


Live the life you imagined? How if the "life I imagined" is live the life with you? 

Astronomy!

Well, wish me luck. May Allah bless me. Always♥☺