April 25, 2016

Temporary?

How long will I love you?
I found that line from a song. Simple question.
As long as stars are above you, the song answered in the following line.
But you know, love is a complex thing. Yet I found it inadequate, a weak word. Like really, you will love someone forever?

Someone told me that love is not a feeling but a commitment; because for real, it fades away through time. This scares me a bit, like, what if later I meet someone special that I want to spend the rest of my life with him and he says he loves me but turns out it’s just a temporary feeling. Probably he’ll stay but he doesn’t love me, he stay because it feels like he has to stay. And it’s just what people do everytime, I see?

What if staying with your partner isn’t really real? We just made it like it is now. What if monogamous married is fake? What if I have to live with someone and lying to each other everyday?

I really want to believe that true love do exists. Maybe it’s all because I haven’t met that someone that will let me believe? Hahaha

April 24, 2016

it is what it is.


If you are looking for someone who wakes you up before the sun coming up, then probably I am not the one you are looking for.
If you are wondering what your future partner are doing right now and you always hope she's already asleep, then maybe I don't fit your wonder.
If you always dream a perfect life; big house, money and everything all well managed, then I might be your nightmare.
I can suddenly freaking out or crying without particular reason or getting anxious about death and stuff.
I hang out with boys and I can't behave like what people expected me to.
I am a contradiction, a paradox.
I am trying, believe me, but you know, sometimes I think I want to be loved as I am.
Oh, sorry, random post.

April 05, 2016

What Am I Doing?

Here I am, my typical thoughts everytime I feel empty.
I've been thinking recently, what will I do after this.
I probably will finish my degree, getting a job somewhere, get married to someone, have kids, and die eventually. More or less.

I always want something different, I've been always a rebel. I will always look for other ways.
But not in this. I fucking have no clue.

My friend said to me once: get a life.
That kind of moment always, always make me stop.
What life he was referring to?
Because I think I always do that: get a life.
Do I?

What am I doing?

I'm sitting here in sekre hmtpwk, upstairs, trying to write an essay assignment with Regina Spektor's song is played on my Spotify. 3 friends of mine, Kintan, Sandy and Puti are exactly in my sight doing the same thing (I'm assuming).

Yup. That's probably the problem.
I'm seeing 'what I'm doing' as something really, really narrow.