△stronomy.

Banyak yang bilang Astronomi itu susah. Well, kenyataannya, emang susah. I don't know why but I'm truly in love with its difficulty. Astronomi itu indah, walaupun yah emang susah. Beda dari pelajaran lain yang dipelajarin semua orang dan jadi mapel wajib di semua di sekolah, Astronomi itu eksklusif, penuh misteri, dan....asing. It really makes my eyes open wider that, there are so much things unbelievably out there. Infinite, masterpiece, but yet untouched.

Lebih ke kayak, "Maha Besar banget ya yang bikin semuanya ini..." dan Astronomy sometimes makes me deeply think the greatness of Him, which does not even get affordable by human thinking ability.. Masih banyak misteri diluar sana, yang mungkin, memang nggak bakal  bisa terjamah.

Revolusi pemikiran dan ilmu pengetahuan manusia, dari jaman sebelum masehi bahkan, kadang juga bikin speechless. Gimana caranya manusia bisa menelaah *asik* awan Magellans, bahkan pada tahun 1910? Dulu itu nggak ada Hubble Space Telescope, maaaaan! Bahkan astronom-astronom jaman dulu bisa membagi-bagi langit jadi konstelasi, rasi bintang..... And the irony is I am living in 21th century but I can't even memorize their names!  

No matter what, meskipun nanti nggak bisa lolos terus ke provinsi, I'll be forever in love with Astronomy. 

"Nanti, kalau sudah besar mau jadi apa?"
Ya, pertanyaan yang dulu kayanya sepele. Pertanyaan buat anak TK. Gampang. Enteng. Liat nanti aja.
Tapi sekarang, pertanyaan itu menjadi satu pertanyaan yang susah banget dicari jawabannya. Sama sekali nggak sepele, nggak enteng. Nggak bisa liat nanti aja. Karena "nanti aja" yang dulu kita jawab itu sudah menjelma menjadi "sekarang". Dulu tuh ya, kayanya masih lamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa banget buat "harus banget sekarang mikirin jawabannya". Kalau sudah besar? The main problem is I'm now "sudah besar" and I should've known the answer. 

Dulu, pilihan jawaban itu mungkin cuma 3; kalo enggak dokter, guru, ya pilot. Tapi sekarang, there are so many choices and I really don't know what I really want. How could I? Takut nggak bisa, takut salah, takut, takut, dan takut. Pilihan dan kesempatan memang membentang luas didepan kayak lapangan Sempur, tapi kalau salah langkah gimana? Nginjek batu, kesandung, kena becekan terus kotor, belom lagi kalo nginjeknya nginjek granat terus meledak dan hilang dari perdaban bumi tanpa membawa cukup amal. Ok random. Because there's no undo button in our life, choose and take the risk. Alamak.

Sunday 2/4/2013 11:38 AM

Yesterday was my another very disgusting day. Yak, I cried over something I shouldn't. Nggak tau kenapa, tapi kalo udah ngomongin masalah "itu" tuh rasanya air mata udah gak bisa kebendung, sekalipun sama kantong mata hasil begadang berbulan-bulan gini.

I actually hate this situation. These disputes are so terrible, because I am your daughter. To obey you is my obligation. And now, all I want from you is, please, understand me. It's an irony when I laughed at my powerlessness to refute you, hmm, sebagai seorang anak emang harus begitu kan? Diem aja, nurut, kalem, sama sekali nggak dikasih kesempatan buat ngomong juga gak papa kok. Ya kan?

I obviously know I'm still under your responsibility but yet I'm not your five years little girl anymore. I know you both have so much more experiences than me, but how I can grow up with this? Sometimes I just want to be free to decide what I really want. I wanna be independent, and see another side of life alone.
I love you more than the words I can say and I just want you to know that.

"....I just did."

Rumit.

Kadang sesuatu itu emang rumit, ya... I don't even know what it is or why or since when but I know I hate this kind of feeling. It's more like a guilt than a joy.