Sometimes letting something go is a beautiful thing that ever happened in your life

“Kecewa nggak sih, impian ITB-nya harus kandas?”

Saya menulis ini karena saya lagi writer block buat nulis essay tugas ospek. And I don’t really have something to do so....yea. Here we go.

I always have dreams, until I become unaware of how high my dreams are. Someone told me there’s no mimpi ketinggian or something, but when you try to be more a realist, then they become clearer. You can’t reach them all. Or maybe you can, but God don’t let you be. I want to study in UK, or Germany, or maybe Norway.  I want to get to ITB. I want to work for NASA. I want this, I want that.

I had a dream, once. I honestly don’t remember the exact time when it started, I think it was around 2010 when I was a junior high school-er. I tried to forget UK and really into ITB (as my future college). I said that to everyone, here and there, that I want to go to ITB. Maybe I didn’t really know what I was facing that time, but I was young and stupid (this is a wrong adjective actually but I can’t think something else) so then I carried that dream everyday in my life.

Until then there was a night that made me thinking about how sometimes dreams were not parallel with the real future. Because of some reasons I had in my head (that I thought that was the most realistic), I think I don’t want to discuss it here but you can ask me personally, I (try to) let ITB go. I (try to) let my dream go.  I cried that night. It was sad. I let something I always want go. I asked someone for advice and he said, “...ya emang karena kita udah disiapin jalan masing-masing yang emang terbaik buat kita, kalo emg di’suruh’ masuk ITB jg pasti ada jalannya kok...”

Then I chose UGM instead of ITB in SNMPTN (even I knew it was a gamble too). I knew God had plan. Later I know ITB wasn’t  his plan for me. And here I am right now, ngerjain tugas ospek UGM ;;)

Am I dissapointed?

I’m a bit dissapointed that I never try. Ngeliat teman-teman struggle jatuh bangun, ngerasain gagal, I envy them for that. Jalan saya memang lumayan mulus, dan saya bersyukur untuk itu, but believe me nothing teach you the most but a bitter experience. Saya pengen berjuang untuk ITB, ikut SBMPTN, tapi kemudian saya beryukur dengan apa yg saya dapat, yang Tuhan kasih. I don’t want to force God because I never can. Saya ditakdirkan disini dan saya bersyukur. Kalau ga jadi kuliah di ITB nya sih saya nggak kecewa, karena saya tau bukan saya yg buat jalan saya sendiri. Saya tidak menyesal pernah mimpi ke ITB, dan berkoar-koar ke orang-orang, karena mimpi itu yg nganter saya sekarang bisa ke UGM.

We obviously can dream but we can’t always be what we’re dreaming of.