“Kecewa nggak sih, impian ITB-nya harus kandas?”
Saya menulis ini karena saya lagi writer block buat nulis
essay tugas ospek. And I don’t really have something to do so....yea. Here we
go.
I always have dreams, until I become unaware of how high my
dreams are. Someone told me there’s no mimpi ketinggian or something, but when
you try to be more a realist, then they become clearer. You can’t reach them
all. Or maybe you can, but God don’t let you be. I want to study in UK, or
Germany, or maybe Norway. I want to get
to ITB. I want to work for NASA. I want this, I want that.
I had a dream, once. I honestly don’t remember the exact
time when it started, I think it was around 2010 when I was a junior high school-er.
I tried to forget UK and really into ITB (as my future college). I said that to
everyone, here and there, that I want to go to ITB. Maybe I didn’t really know
what I was facing that time, but I was young and stupid (this is a wrong
adjective actually but I can’t think something else) so then I carried that
dream everyday in my life.
Until then there was a night that made me thinking about how
sometimes dreams were not parallel with the real future. Because of some
reasons I had in my head (that I thought that was the most realistic), I think
I don’t want to discuss it here but you can ask me personally, I (try to) let
ITB go. I (try to) let my dream go. I
cried that night. It was sad. I let something I always want go. I asked someone
for advice and he said, “...ya emang karena kita udah disiapin jalan
masing-masing yang emang terbaik buat kita, kalo emg di’suruh’ masuk ITB jg
pasti ada jalannya kok...”
Then I chose UGM instead of ITB in SNMPTN (even I knew it was a gamble too).
I knew God had plan. Later I know ITB wasn’t
his plan for me. And here I am right now, ngerjain tugas ospek UGM ;;)
Am I dissapointed?
I’m a bit dissapointed that I never try. Ngeliat teman-teman
struggle jatuh bangun, ngerasain gagal, I envy them for that. Jalan saya memang
lumayan mulus, dan saya bersyukur untuk itu, but believe me nothing teach you
the most but a bitter experience. Saya pengen berjuang untuk ITB, ikut SBMPTN,
tapi kemudian saya beryukur dengan apa yg saya dapat, yang Tuhan kasih. I don’t
want to force God because I never can. Saya ditakdirkan disini dan saya
bersyukur. Kalau ga jadi kuliah di ITB nya sih saya nggak kecewa, karena saya
tau bukan saya yg buat jalan saya sendiri. Saya tidak menyesal pernah mimpi ke
ITB, dan berkoar-koar ke orang-orang, karena mimpi itu yg nganter saya sekarang
bisa ke UGM.
We obviously can dream but we can’t always be what we’re
dreaming of.