Nobody knows "the real" me. Nobody knows how many times I've sat in my room, and cried all night long. How many times I've lost hope. How many times I've been let down. How many times I've thought about this unfairness, this life, my parents, everything.
October 30, 2012
October 11, 2012
An update.
Hello. Now I'm updating in Mrs. Atty's english lesson this afternoon. Hahahahaha. Have a nice day!
October 07, 2012
"Tak ada yang lebih tabah, dari hujan bulan Juni..."
Hujan Bulan Juni (Sapardi Djoko Damono)
tak ada yang lebih tabah
dari hujan bulan Juni
dirahasiakannya rintik rindunya
kepada pohon berbunga itu
dari hujan bulan Juni
dirahasiakannya rintik rindunya
kepada pohon berbunga itu
tak ada yang lebih bijak
dari hujan bulan Juni
dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya
yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu
dari hujan bulan Juni
dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya
yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu
tak ada yang lebih arif
dari hujan bulan Juni
dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan
diserap akar pohon bunga itu
dari hujan bulan Juni
dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan
diserap akar pohon bunga itu
October 04, 2012
It's 1 AM
It's 1 AM
No, I'm not gonna ask you who do you love.
It's 1 AM
I'm awake and think what happened. Or what should be happened.
It's 1 AM
I don't even know what that is.
It's 1 AM
Your eyes talked to me. But I couldn't heard.
It's 1 AM
Can you just speak clearer?
No, I'm not gonna ask you who do you love.
It's 1 AM
I'm awake and think what happened. Or what should be happened.
It's 1 AM
I don't even know what that is.
It's 1 AM
Your eyes talked to me. But I couldn't heard.
It's 1 AM
Can you just speak clearer?
September 28, 2012
Future is comiiiiiing!
If there were 9999 reasons to quit, and give up, I know there was only one reason to stay and keep fighting this life. Chase our dreams. End the past. Stand up and smile. Take a very deep breath and go on.
By the way, the time flies so fast, doesn't it? It feels like yesterday I was still in the elementary, with my red skirt and my colorful socks. But in fact, in the next year I'll be 12 grader and soon I'll be in college. Whoa! The future is coming!
Always, I'm wondering how will I look like when I'm 30, have a son and daughter, and share all the happiness with "my" family. Who will be my husband, where will I live, hahahahahahahaha. But yap, only God knows. Let's wait and see;)
By the way, the time flies so fast, doesn't it? It feels like yesterday I was still in the elementary, with my red skirt and my colorful socks. But in fact, in the next year I'll be 12 grader and soon I'll be in college. Whoa! The future is coming!
Always, I'm wondering how will I look like when I'm 30, have a son and daughter, and share all the happiness with "my" family. Who will be my husband, where will I live, hahahahahahahaha. But yap, only God knows. Let's wait and see;)
September 27, 2012
You actually trick your own life, guys.
Life isn't fair. Yap, because that's all I've ever known. Like I've said, thousand times.
I studied as hard as I can. Stayed up all night. Read read read and practise practise practise. I won't forgive myself if I didn't do my best, at least I've tried. Make a black mark under my eyes. But they? Just keep calm, grab a phone, Googling, texting, bbm, and something disgusting like that. Or in France, you do open dictionary. I'm just watching in my silence.
Maybe you'll say, "I did everything you did. That efforts."
Yes, you did, maybe. But why still you do that fucking dirty trick? You waste your knowledges, your intellegences. You swap your morality with a surreal and useless PERFECT SCORE. Okay, you got that score, so what? It doesn't mean a thing.
I'm a human, so are you. We're not perfect, I know. But I don't do that trick. Never. Okay, sometimes, I ask my behind friend or being asked with her. But just to check our step or our answer if there was a mistake. Not ask the answer. If our answer was different, it's okay. I don't change my answer if I was sure with mine.
I studied as hard as I can. Stayed up all night. Read read read and practise practise practise. I won't forgive myself if I didn't do my best, at least I've tried. Make a black mark under my eyes. But they? Just keep calm, grab a phone, Googling, texting, bbm, and something disgusting like that. Or in France, you do open dictionary. I'm just watching in my silence.
Maybe you'll say, "I did everything you did. That efforts."
Yes, you did, maybe. But why still you do that fucking dirty trick? You waste your knowledges, your intellegences. You swap your morality with a surreal and useless PERFECT SCORE. Okay, you got that score, so what? It doesn't mean a thing.
I'm a human, so are you. We're not perfect, I know. But I don't do that trick. Never. Okay, sometimes, I ask my behind friend or being asked with her. But just to check our step or our answer if there was a mistake. Not ask the answer. If our answer was different, it's okay. I don't change my answer if I was sure with mine.
"Yah sekarang mah pada ngejarnya nilai sih," -farah
September 16, 2012
Memoires!
I just downloaded this application from Google Play in my phone. Yap, Memoires. Now I finally found something I can tell and I can write, freely. No worry. Save. Keep in secret. It even has a password! I always try to write everything before sleep at night. There's no galau in this blog, anymore, I hope.
Love!
Love!
September 07, 2012
A Blackhole?
I'm shining, you're glowing.
Yes, in a different way.
I used to be that shining, but not anymore.
Maybe now I'm just a blackhole in your prespective.
Invisible and seems not real.
If so, I'm telling you, blackhole has a hidden super power.
You haven't realise it, have you?
Yes, in a different way.
I used to be that shining, but not anymore.
Maybe now I'm just a blackhole in your prespective.
Invisible and seems not real.
If so, I'm telling you, blackhole has a hidden super power.
You haven't realise it, have you?
September 06, 2012
I miss you all, Facetious X-8 2011-2012!
Ya, mumpung libur nih. Pas iseng iseng ngeliatin meja belajar, tadinya sih niat pengen ngerapihin eh nemu kotak bening isinya DVD, yakkk pemirsa.... Dvd sepuluh delapan! Akhirnya punya waktu buat nonton ini lagi:)
Kangen banget sama kalian semua. Emang sih masih bisa ketemu setiap hari, tapi rasanya beda. Suasananya beda. Dan kita gak dalam satu ruangan yang sama, itu dia yang bikin atmosfernya beda dan unforgettable. Alaynya, koplaknya, doyotnya, sedih&curhatnya, semuanya. Such a beautiful year with you all. Yes, the things change but memories last forever.
Kangen banget sama kalian semua. Emang sih masih bisa ketemu setiap hari, tapi rasanya beda. Suasananya beda. Dan kita gak dalam satu ruangan yang sama, itu dia yang bikin atmosfernya beda dan unforgettable. Alaynya, koplaknya, doyotnya, sedih&curhatnya, semuanya. Such a beautiful year with you all. Yes, the things change but memories last forever.
July 27, 2012
"When you leave here, don't forget why you came."
Sekilas, quote ini emang biasa aja. Emang sebenernya cuma buat kelulusan gitu. Tapi ayo dicoba doooong dicobaaaa lihat dan baca dan telusuri dan selidiki dan teliti dan kalo perlu interogasi lebih dalem lagi.... Hem. Apasih.
Ya, kadang seseorang dateng terus pergi gitu aja, padahal awalnya dia punya tujuan kenapa dia dateng. Tujuannya muliaaaaaa banget. Kenapa dia ikut. Kenapa dia bergabung. Oke, ini no mention dan no offense loh ya, tapi kalau ngerasa sih ya gak papa.
Apalagi nih ya, ummm contoh doang kok, ikut suatu organisasi Islam. Niatnya sih oke punya, ngejaga iman, menambah pengetahuan Islam, bahkan memperdalam. Itu baru tujuan, sayangnya. Masalahnya si dia ini ga konsisten sama tujuan awalnya sendiri, atau malah gatau tujuan dia sebenernya.
Terus, --pasti ketebak lah ya, apalagi kalo ngerasa-- si dia ini hengkang. Masih untung gak dibilang berkhianat. Mungkin dia istilahnya udah ga ngerasa bisa berguna di organisasi itu? Mungkin. Mungkin loh ya.
Bisa ya si dia ini langsung lupa gitu tujuan awal dia bergabung? Amnesia kali ya, mungkin abis kejedot tronton, atau keserempet cheetah mungkin? Kan gak tau juga.
Oh iya, post ini samasekali bukan buat nge-judge siapapun (mungkin ada yang ngerasa di-judge?), bukan buat asal tuduh, suudzan, apalagi fitnah karena fitnah itu lebih kejam dari pada pembunuhan. Eaa. Bukan juga ghibah karena post ini sama sekali ga nyebut nama, lagian kan ghibah sama aja kaya makan bangkai saudara sendiri kan ya? Iuh.
Jadi, kembali ke quote tadi, jangan pernah lupa alasan kenapa kita datang. Atau lebih tepatnya, jangan pura-pura lupa.
Ya, kadang seseorang dateng terus pergi gitu aja, padahal awalnya dia punya tujuan kenapa dia dateng. Tujuannya muliaaaaaa banget. Kenapa dia ikut. Kenapa dia bergabung. Oke, ini no mention dan no offense loh ya, tapi kalau ngerasa sih ya gak papa.
Apalagi nih ya, ummm contoh doang kok, ikut suatu organisasi Islam. Niatnya sih oke punya, ngejaga iman, menambah pengetahuan Islam, bahkan memperdalam. Itu baru tujuan, sayangnya. Masalahnya si dia ini ga konsisten sama tujuan awalnya sendiri, atau malah gatau tujuan dia sebenernya.
Terus, --pasti ketebak lah ya, apalagi kalo ngerasa-- si dia ini hengkang. Masih untung gak dibilang berkhianat. Mungkin dia istilahnya udah ga ngerasa bisa berguna di organisasi itu? Mungkin. Mungkin loh ya.
Bisa ya si dia ini langsung lupa gitu tujuan awal dia bergabung? Amnesia kali ya, mungkin abis kejedot tronton, atau keserempet cheetah mungkin? Kan gak tau juga.
Oh iya, post ini samasekali bukan buat nge-judge siapapun (mungkin ada yang ngerasa di-judge?), bukan buat asal tuduh, suudzan, apalagi fitnah karena fitnah itu lebih kejam dari pada pembunuhan. Eaa. Bukan juga ghibah karena post ini sama sekali ga nyebut nama, lagian kan ghibah sama aja kaya makan bangkai saudara sendiri kan ya? Iuh.
Jadi, kembali ke quote tadi, jangan pernah lupa alasan kenapa kita datang. Atau lebih tepatnya, jangan pura-pura lupa.
July 17, 2012
Naik kelas itu gak cuma pindah kelas kali....
Naik kelas. Ciye, yang bangga gitu udah naik kelas. Asik dong ya, udah punya adik kelas?
Tapi, menurut saya, naik kelas itu gak cuma sekedar lulus dari kelas sebelumnya dan pindah ke jenjang berikutnya.
Naik kelas itu harusnya naik level.
Ibaratnya game, level yang lebih tinggi pasti lebih susah, kan? Butuh strategi baru yang lebih baik. Kalo game over, pasti penasaran dan kita ulang lagi terus sampe bisa dan gak ngulang keslahan yang sama biar lanjut ke next level. Naik kelas juga sama, tantangan baru, lingkungan baru, saingan baru, dan pelajaran baru yang pastinya banget lebih susah.
Naik kelas juga artinya naik kelas juga sikap kita, harus lebih dewasa gitu deh o:) Kualitas kita sebagai manusia juga harus naik dong. Kan naik kelas artinya kita udah lulus ujian di kelas sebelumnya dan siap buat ujian-ujian yang lain.
Saya sekarang udah kelas 11. Alhamdulillah IPA dan semoga itu pilihan yang emang bener dan gak lagi deh nyesel-nyesel!
Selamat naik kelas :)
Tapi, menurut saya, naik kelas itu gak cuma sekedar lulus dari kelas sebelumnya dan pindah ke jenjang berikutnya.
Naik kelas itu harusnya naik level.
Ibaratnya game, level yang lebih tinggi pasti lebih susah, kan? Butuh strategi baru yang lebih baik. Kalo game over, pasti penasaran dan kita ulang lagi terus sampe bisa dan gak ngulang keslahan yang sama biar lanjut ke next level. Naik kelas juga sama, tantangan baru, lingkungan baru, saingan baru, dan pelajaran baru yang pastinya banget lebih susah.
Naik kelas juga artinya naik kelas juga sikap kita, harus lebih dewasa gitu deh o:) Kualitas kita sebagai manusia juga harus naik dong. Kan naik kelas artinya kita udah lulus ujian di kelas sebelumnya dan siap buat ujian-ujian yang lain.
Saya sekarang udah kelas 11. Alhamdulillah IPA dan semoga itu pilihan yang emang bener dan gak lagi deh nyesel-nyesel!
Selamat naik kelas :)
June 26, 2012
Knock, knock.
Tik, tok.
The tap of my heart beats.
Knock the inequity, knock this life.
I hear something you can't hear,
or maybe something you try not to hear.
I curse your fake innocence.
June 19, 2012
Happy Birthday!
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Thanks for all your kind wishes, greets, and all the "okeh"s. I'm so thankful that you all remember my day. THANKS!
Especially for @chelsandra @nyayuazlsn and @farahfarhe and all your "kindness" to me. It's so damn unforgettable. Love you.
June 12, 2012
will you?
Yah, it's really really hard for me to tell this, write it down and everyone will knows. I just can't hide it away for any longer.
I want to go to ITB as my next destination. Maybe you've knew it. I dreamed it since a long time ago, and now its so hard to forget it all.
My mother said to me, that I, as a woman, had to take care of my self. Then, I got to stay in Bogor. Maybe forever? So it means that my choice now is IPB. Or UI.
Okay, I am their daughter so I have to obey them as my parents. I really try so hard to do it. I just want to make you proud of me.
Just for once, listen to me, will you?
I want to go to ITB as my next destination. Maybe you've knew it. I dreamed it since a long time ago, and now its so hard to forget it all.
My mother said to me, that I, as a woman, had to take care of my self. Then, I got to stay in Bogor. Maybe forever? So it means that my choice now is IPB. Or UI.
Okay, I am their daughter so I have to obey them as my parents. I really try so hard to do it. I just want to make you proud of me.
Just for once, listen to me, will you?
Hitam dan Putih
Hitam dan putih.
Seorang gadis kecil diujung gang, dengan baju sederhana.
Menatapku lurus dengan mata coklat yang pudar.
Gemerincing receh yang menjadi nada.
Hitam dan putih.
Kakek itu mengusap peluh yang sudah menjadi darah.
Sorot matanya membakarku hidup hidup.
Aku telah menjadi abu diujung jalan itu.
Hitam dan putih,
Sebuah ironi.
Adakah memang hati nurani itu pernah ada?
Seorang gadis kecil diujung gang, dengan baju sederhana.
Menatapku lurus dengan mata coklat yang pudar.
Gemerincing receh yang menjadi nada.
Hitam dan putih.
Kakek itu mengusap peluh yang sudah menjadi darah.
Sorot matanya membakarku hidup hidup.
Aku telah menjadi abu diujung jalan itu.
Hitam dan putih,
Sebuah ironi.
Adakah memang hati nurani itu pernah ada?
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