Bye!

Halo, sepertinya blog ini akan resmi diistirahatkan. Nggak, aku nggak berhenti nulis kok. Biar blog ini jadi seperti blog ini, museum yang isinya kegalauan-kegalauan masa lalu dari SMP yg substansinya tidak terlalu penting. Aku tetap menulis, bahkan sedang diusahakan untuk lebih intensif di halaman tumblr-ku. Silakan kalau mau mampir. Cheer...

This world is everyone's battlefield

There was the time, I had a really good conversation with a friend: lying down in a remote beach, right before the dawn, looking at starry sky, talking about life. I told him my life was a mess. I couldn't get my life together, everything was out of my reach. He told me his past, different kind of mess. Bad things I didn't expect. You know, everyone's fighting their own battle. And that night, told...

Devastated

Have you ever feel Like there's nothing left to do You just empty The time you just can't blame people anymore Because people seem like, they don't want to be saved You blame yourself You blame the circumstances I have I feel that right in the chest right in every tears streaming down my face again and again I am devastated for re...

Sad

I am writing this, 3.15 am, trying to get these studio shits done. Thinking about people, thinking about you, generally everything just come up in my head in this typical hour. I am sad. Not a literal sad, I think, more like worry plus anxious plus disappointed plus afraid. I saw with my own eyes tonight: an idealism, fresh thoughts, new sights; they had to die for the sake of a figure and culture...

Temporary?

How long will I love you? I found that line from a song. Simple question. As long as stars are above you, the song answered in the following line. But you know, love is a complex thing. Yet I found it inadequate, a weak word. Like really, you will love someone forever? Someone told me that love is not a feeling but a commitment; because for real, it fades away through time. This scares me a bit,...

it is what it is.

If you are looking for someone who wakes you up before the sun coming up, then probably I am not the one you are looking for. If you are wondering what your future partner are doing right now and you always hope she's already asleep, then maybe I don't fit your wonder. If you always dream a perfect life; big house, money and everything all well managed, then I might be your nightmare. I can suddenly...

What Am I Doing?

Here I am, my typical thoughts everytime I feel empty. I've been thinking recently, what will I do after this. I probably will finish my degree, getting a job somewhere, get married to someone, have kids, and die eventually. More or less. I always want something different, I've been always a rebel. I will always look for other ways. But not in this. I fucking have no clue. My friend said to...

Just a stuff that's been bothering me quite a while

I don’t call myself feminist for reasons (mostly because It’s still confusing for me in some ways) and being “humanist” sounds more appealing and right to me, but let’s talk about that later because that’s not the point. In this such a holy day for feminism, with this I want to reach out to you people. "Girls", whatever you think it is; a class, group, stigma, maybe an ideology or anything in this...

maybe

Maybe God was a poet, because you're basically just like a beautifully written verse...

What if there's no in between?

I begin to think I'm getting more and more naive and ask why to things more often. Kenapa sih orang-orang nggak gini atau begitu, apa susahnya sih berubah, or when it gets more extreme, kenapa sih orang-orang pada bego? Is it just me or being naive is a good thing, at least, kind of? I learned things in class, too much things. From Economy to human behavior, from Urban Design to RDTR, from Math to...

Still not sure

I have lived for almost 20 years until now, and probably I'm not the one here that have some identity crisis. Maybe that's okay because it's the phase we have to face in life. Who am I and what am I doing here in life... In some points I think that it's important to know who you are but it's also time and energy consuming. Feels like I've wasted my time for something not so important, even though...

Unfortunate

My friend once said to me why it's unfortunate to be a girl, we are always be the ones that wait. But in some cases, rare cases, all the times you've wasted waiting, wasn't wasted after all. Because it will worth the wait, even probably worth more. It can be worth all things you did in your life;  your struggle to pass a test, a sincere smile you gave to someone you met when you walked...

---

So yes maybe we are all agree that corruption "culture" in our surroundings is a sad fact we have to admit. Some are even being pessimist that they fact will someday be gone. In fact, I was. The whole corruption things politicians and governance do (almost in every sector, everywhere, and everyone in it; yes this is so sad), they aren't things we can solve in a day. Or two. They're cultural, a long...

Everytime.

Everytime I read or watch about someone’s life discovering stories, I always have a moment of silence and think about mine. What the fuck am I doing here and what is life questions then smashed me over and over again. I thought about escaping from this shits I’ve been doing in college too sometimes. Beach camp, off to somewhere far, find a good place to read and think. Alone. Sky-gazing. Wondering....

We're greedy, just admit it.

So this is an idea that just popped up in my head. The idea of sharing. I just realized we don't share much, I mean as something great as human race. We're simply, greedy. People don't want to share their works, their research, their way of thinking, their belongings in general just because we don't want them to be copied with some losers. We don't want them belonged to someone else. Why? It doesn't...